God already knows

I realized I am not happy.
I need to fix this.
But why can't I?

"When you live in the moment, forever means nothing. I wasn't ready for that moment to end"
(it's a good book)

I'm still healing.
And when i try my best to, I get in trouble.
Not my fault, just tryna keep busy.
They still call me irresponsible, untrustworthy, blahblah. I think my attitude is reflecting on how I feel. It's not good at all. They just really have no clue. Lol, I'm in healing, I need all the time I got. Any loose time & I'll go crashing down.

I miss my best friend.
My REAL best friend, Kristina. She's in Hawaii )= I remember when we were about to move there! Omg, a house just down the street! I would run to her all the time when I need her. But waaiit, things would be SO different if we just did move out there. I wish we did.
I always find myself calling her when I'm about to cry. We always talk about how right now we're like thousands of miles away, but watch. One day, I sweaar, we really are about to live together in a cute place having way fun! I can picture it now. High celings, greaat kitchen (= , lovely view, OMG I can't wait. We might be stuck right now, but happiness comes. And I can not wait for that to come, I hate hearing her like this (I can't technically see her, Lol). "God already knows."


This weekend was fun. Kind of. I've realized, yeah I have TRUELY changed. Like you have no idea how much I shock myself sometimes. HAHA. Good girl gone bad, but can that be reversed? yeaaaah it can, trust me. HAHA.

I know what I want now. So I realized I dont want a relationship. This is why:
Here's the thing about relationships. People always trip off each other! & That's why I don't want one. I don't want to trip off some boy who will eventually be nothing to me. And all he'll be is the last asshole that hurt me. So my goal? Not to trip because my next guy is just gonna do me wrong like the last one. So why care?

When he's just not that into you. Or eventually won't be.